IELTS Essay Corrected – Large factory near your community

Review and correct an essay written by a student

A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

We will have a look at this essay, see if you can spot the errors.

Building a new factory nearby a community will affect the local’s everyday life and their future. The environment of the town will also alter. It is believed that such a large scale construction will solve the absence of workplaces and will develop the economy of the town. However, it is true that there are some negative effects, because a large factory will pollute the environment and the traffic will rise.

The most obvious advantages of the new factory are the economy developments. Nowadays, unemployment is increasing therefore almost every town require new job opportunities. If a large factory is being built, the positive effect to the local economy is tremendous. New workplaces born and the extant industry is also improving by the increased commerce. In addition, environmental change is also performed because the government has more found to spend from the growth of the industrial tax and the drop of the unemployment benefits.

In the other hand, the new construction will have disadvantages. For instance, the pollution will rise and the traffic of the town is probably increasing. The construction of the new factory is often noisy and perhaps taking for a year to being built. After it is finished, the employees are starting to work and as a result, the traffic of the rush hours will grow. Furthermore, the factory will begin to pollute the environment. Not only the factory itself, but also the new volume of transport.

All things considered, building a new factory is beneficial to the community in spite of its adverse affect, because in our days, people well-being depends on work opportunities and economy state. If the fund of the town is good, the environment pollution can be reduced by developments.

 

Version with errors numbered.

Building a new factory 1.nearby a community will affect the 2.local’s everyday life and their future. The environment of the town will also 3.alter. It is believed that such a large scale construction will solve the absence of workplaces and will develop the economy of the town. However, it is true that there are some negative effects, because a large factory 4.will pollute the environment and the 5.traffic will rise.

The most obvious advantages of the new factory are the 6.economy developments. Nowadays, unemployment is increasing therefore almost every town 7.require new job opportunities. If a large factory is being built, the positive effect to the local economy is tremendous. New work places 8.born and the 9.extant industry 10.is also improving by the increased commerce. In addition,11.environmental change 12.is also 13.performed because the government has 14.more found to spend from the 15.growth of the industrial tax and the 16.drop of the unemployment benefits.

17.In the other hand, the new construction will have disadvantages. For instance, the pollution willrise and the traffic of the town is probably increasing. The construction of the new factory is often noisy and perhaps 18.taking for a year to being built. 19.After it is finished, the employees are starting to work and as a result, the traffic of the rush hours will grow. Furthermore, the factory will begin to pollute the environment. Not only the factory itself, but also the new volume of transport.

All things considered, building a new factory is beneficial to the community in spite of It’s adverse affect, because in our days, 20.people well-being depends on work opportunities and 21. economy state. If the 22.fund of the town is good, the environment pollution can be reduced by developments.

 

Numbered errors with brief explanations and corrections.
  1. nearby – Near is a preposition and is fine, nearby is an adverb.
  2. local’s – everyday life Saxon genitive, how many locals will be affected? I think you wanted to say the locals’ (plural and shows possession)
  3. The environment of the town will also 3.alter. Alter is OK, I would have said: will also be altered.
  4. Will vs would.
  5. The AMOUNT of traffic will rise
  6. the developments in the economy or the economic development. (Economy = noun, economic =adjective).
  7. requireS – Third person singular (town)
  8. born – Has to be used with TO BE, however; workplaces would mean the actual place, it doesn’t necessarily mean actual employment. A better phrase would be New employment/work/jobs are created.
  9. extant – i think you waned to say existent, however; present industry sounds better.
  10. You should use the conditional, you used ‘is also improving’ ‘would also improve‘ is the correct way because this is all hypothetical.
  11. environmental change – this has climate, global warming connotations. ‘A change in the community would also be seen…‘ would have been the correct way.
  12. is vs ‘would be’.
  13. performed vs experienced.
  14. more found, should be ‘found more’.
  15. growth vs ‘increase’, in industrial tax(es).
  16. drop vs fall, in unemployment benefits.
  17. On the other hand (not in). This is a two part clause, if you have said before On one hand….. then you can use: On the other hand.
  18. taking vs would take a year to be built.
  19. These sentences should be in the conditional: After it is finished, the employees WOULD START work and as a result, the traffic of the rush hours WOULD grow. Furthermore, the factory would begin to pollute the environment.
  20. people‘s 
  21. economy state, state of the economy, or their economic state
  22. fund of the town, if the funds of the town are good. Here I would have said, If the town has good economic resources pollution

Final feedback 

This is a good essay, it was well structured, methodically presented and all paragraphed correctly. There were a few problems with the conditional, and one or two with the S -sometimes for plural. 

 

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